No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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