I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
