i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
