he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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