Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
