can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
