How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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