That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
