You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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