dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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