I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize