Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
