I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
