I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize