I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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