I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We left the knife in your bed.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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