I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He? As in you personified your dick?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
