I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
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