I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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