On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
