something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
