just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
