That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
