the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i would one night stand the shit outta him
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
