Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
