all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
