no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
