I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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