Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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