Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Enjoy the penises
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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