someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize