I look better un-naked...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
