I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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