so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
