You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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