Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
