I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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