Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
