He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
