I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
