and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
