I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
No...this little piggys going to the bar
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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