Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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