Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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