I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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