my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
