so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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