I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
