Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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