I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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