i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
