i need an iv and a liver transplant
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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