So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
