Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Still dying that you shit outside
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
