I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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