I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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