Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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