i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
