just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
