Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Randomize
