my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
