I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I am spending my child support on dildos
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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