I bet he comes in French.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
