It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
