dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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