I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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