I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
