I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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