His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
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We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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