dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
