There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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