one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
