Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Randomize
