i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
