Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
