Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
