Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Why did my mother make you get naked?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
