wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found puke in my bra..
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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