Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
